Armia tatuśka

Mainwaring, manager of Swallow’s Bank, takes it upon himself to form the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard platoon, after hearing of the formation of the Local Defence Volunteers, declaring himself Captain, and making his chief clerk, Wilson, Sergeant.

Mainwaring, worried that the Nazis could attack at any time, decides to requisition much needed weapons – from the local Peabody Museum of Historic Army Weapons that is closed for duration. There is one problem – to do so, they must outwit the curator – Lance Corporal Jones’ father.

Mainwaring, still short of weapons, receives an offer from Colonel Square – he will give them weapons, but command must be handed over to him. Mainwaring agrees – until he discovers that the weapons in question are muskets, and that he wants the platoon to fight on horseback.

A lecture by Mainwaring is interrupted when a Polish officer from GHQ announces that a reward of £10 will be available for any Nazis captured. On patrol later that night, Jones and Walker capture two Luftwaffe airmen, but they escape.

After Major Regan from Area HQ decides that Corporal Jones is too old to be in the Home Guard, he announces that unless he can get round the assault course in 15 minutes, he will be removed from the platoon.

The platoon is chosen to provide the guard of honour for the Prime Minister on his visit to Walmington, but after awful shooting at the range, Major Regan decides that a competition between the Eastgate platoon and the Walmington-on-Sea platoon will decide who will provide the guard.