Imperium Brittasa

The leisure centre is quiet until word gets out that Gordon Brittas is away in Bulgaria, whereupon it gets very busy. Helen arrives and informs the staff that Gordon is dead, however as the staff and Helen prepare for an easier life without Brittas, the staff are all horrified when he walks through the leisure centre doors. Meanwhile, unaware her husband is alive, Helen prepares for her wedding. Carole faints in shock, and after a talk with Colin, believes Brittas wants her child to gain perpetual youth, a misunderstanding leading to Carole crushing Brittas’s car with a digger, with him inside it.

Brittas is horrified to discover women’s underwear in his office, and is convinced that a staff member is using the facilities to have sex. He segregates the sexes and bugs Linda; the evidence gathered leads him to Gavin. The real culprit is in fact Helen, who discovers Gordon unknowingly had sex with Carol at a fancy dress party. Simultaneously, Julie is being hounded by reporters for rescuing a dog from a river in the nude.

Brittas fears for his job when the Southern Area Inspector visits, fully aware that visiting figures are poor. Colin accidentally causes a pigeon to roost in the gymnasium, leading to a chain of chaotic trivialities threatening the inspection. Helen meanwhile has been insulted by a badly chosen birthday present, a moped with a yellow helmet reading "hi I’m Helen", thus she decides to leave Gordon.

An extreme argument with the Rotary Club has caused Brittas’s feet to be set in concrete, who after frequent fights breaking out, considers if the centre has Sick Building Syndrome; a Specialist arrives. However Laura tries to explain to Brittas that it is he who is the cause of the centre’s problems.

The centre is preparing for a concert by Vladimir Petrov, a visiting pianist from the Leningrad Conservatory. Brittas’s father arrives with an old piano, which after being dropped knocks the pianist unconscious. As a result, Gordon decides to perform the concert himself.

Brittas closes the centre for a series of fire drill exercises while trying to convince Councillor Dapping to install a new fire escape. Meanwhile Helen prepares a special lunch in Brittas’s office to help save their marriage; she even intends to give up the pills needed to cope with her husband. Later in the episode, Helen accidentally causes a fire.

A pregnant cow, loose in the centre, accidentally eats some of Colin’s "herbs", sending it into labour on the squash courts. Carole has also eaten the leaves, and her babies end up being delivered by the vet who had originally come to assist the cow.