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Alan B’Stard is elected as the Conservative MP for the constituency of Haltemprice in Yorkshire, after having the brake lines cut on the cars of his Labour and SDP opponents on the eve of the election, putting them on life support and giving him "the largest majority in Parliament."

When Alan’s wife, Sarah, announces that she has inherited 200,000 shares of successful local automobile manufacturer, and now plans to divorce him, Alan panics.

Piers Fletcher-Dervish, Alan’s aristocratic and mentally challenged officemate, joins the Campaign for Moral Regeneration, a group dedicated to battling pornography, but Alan is uninterested in joining, until Piers tells him that they regularly view samples of the material they are fighting.

One of Alan’s old moneymaking schemes comes back to haunt him when Norman, his transsexual accountant, tells him that the depot in Hull where he left a shipment of Argentine nuclear waste he was hired to dispose of is scheduled for demolition.

Alan is invited to give the commencement speech at his alma mater, and while there encounters his former classmate Lance Okum-Martin, who tells him that he is now President for Life of the tropical Republic of St. James.

Alan spends the night at a famed local brothel where he enjoys some BDSM, and an aborted police raid nearly makes him late for a morning television interview.

Roland informs B’Stard that the local Tories have finally had enough of his neglect of his constituents, and he is to be deselected at the next meeting.